


Never Leave a Job Incomplete

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Guns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-16 07:11:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2260647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bonus Round 3 fill for the HSWC. </p><p>"Jade/Eridan</p><p>The (potentially future!) fantasy AU in which Eridan is a prince and Jade has received the mission to perform his assassination."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Leave a Job Incomplete

Jade Harley had two main loves in life. Space and robotics. And guns. And her dog. And gardening. And childlike nostalgia for the Squiddles. And computers. But her big ones were space and robotics. Big as in expensive. As in very expensive. The fuel alone. Yikes. Which is why she tapped into her third listed interest and became an assassin. Assassin. Bounty hunter. Gun for hire. She wasn't picky on the title. She got a job, she found her target, she pretended the target was an empty tin can or a paper target shaped like the target, and, well, she would be rolling in crazy mad boonbucks, basically.

It was strange, being an assassin who really wasn't all that fond of actually putting bullets in living things. But, she got used to it. It helped to think of it this way. Shooting an animal, well, wow, that's just an animal! It didn't do anything wrong. It was just hanging out in a forest or jungle or whatever, so who was she to just pop out of nowhere and put a bullet in its head? But a person... or alien, as the case usually was. A sentient, thinking organism? Well, if someone was offering to pay a huge case of money to get rid of them, they almost certainly did something to deserve getting shot. Usually.

Jade usually checked. Usually. Sometimes she forgot. And sometimes she 'forgot' because she knew the target was probably undeserving but her ship needed refueling or she had found a gyroscopic balancing mechanism for flying robots that was incredibly cheap and only slightly used but she was just lacking the funds.

Jade Harley was on a job currently, and she was pretty sure this target was deserving, for sure. Maybe. Her employer was the Empress of the planet, and, well, Jade was wary when it came to Empresses. Last one she worked for brainwashed her and basically put her on guard duty for a thief she'd caught. Jade didn't remember much of it, because, well, the brainwashing. But this Empress seemed a lot less mad with power and horrendously dangerous, so there was that!

Jade's target was a prince. Which confused Jade. Because her employer was an empress? So... was he her kid? Jade asked, and the Empress was incredibly confused as to why she would even think that, and in fact, he was her ex-best friend or something. Her alien translation software wasn't perfect. Also, he wanted to date her, apparently. But also hate-date her ex-boyfriend? Who he tried to murder? And he almost murdered her? Well, he did, but then she... oh, who cares? Jade didn't care. He was a power-hungry attempted-at-least murderer who simultaneously had a military fleet and was vying for the throne but was also ready to turn against the kingdom at the drop of a hat. He was smart, angry, genocidal (wow, there's a red flag), and his picture showed him to have an incredibly punchable face.

Jade didn't even need to look up additional information on this Eridan Ampora. But she did. And he bragged a lot about his 'accomplishments' and also wow, he really did have a punchable face. And a stupid haircut.

Breaking into his keep was easy. Too easy. And not in an 'it's a trap' kind of way. It was just simple. Jade figured by having a small guard, he was trying to show to any would-be assassins that it either wasn't worth their time to come after him, or he was so amazing that he didn't need too many guards. Also, apparently he had that big useless armada he wasn't using. Most of his guards were probably on that. Jade rolled her eyes.

The thing was, Jade didn't like to work up close and personal, and there wasn't much room to work when her weapon of choice was a rifle. But, there was the dining hall. And luckily, Eridan did seem to like to spend a lot of time there. Probably because his voice echoed and he sounded more important. She rolled her eyes at the thought.

In fact, there were footsteps, and he was through the door, all scarf and dyed hair and hipster glasses and permanent scowl. "I don't care if they're just on maneuwers! I wwant a full report on all o' it. Resources used, wwhere they're doin' their exercises. If someone wwipes their damn shithole wwhen they're supposed t' be on patrol, I wwant to hear about it! Do I make myself clear? Noww get the fuck outta here and tell kitchen staff I wwant my damned dinner!"

Oh, wow, what an absolute prick. Jade shifted on the rafter, staring down at him and getting her rifle off her back. Safety off, and then... the door opened again. Fuck.

"Sir, the gunsmith is done cleaning your rifle, if you'd like to inspect the work."

"Giwe." Eridan reached for the weapon, and... oh. Oh. What a beautiful weapon it was. It was blue and shiny and Jade couldn't even tell what metal it was made out of, but, oh, those angles and curves. Oh, that ornamentation. Oh... oh god. She snuck along the rafters. Needing a closer look. What was it, and where did he get it? And where could she get one? The wood creaked beneath her feet as his assistant left Eridan alone with his gun, and his eyes snapped up in her direction...

Right in time for the wooden beam to break and Jade to come crashing down hard atop the long banquet table. Eridan let out a scream most unbefitting of a prince, and fumbled with his rifle, dropping it to the floor but catching it by the barrel at the last moment.

"Intruder! Wwho are you! Identify yourself! Are you a thief?"

Jade rolled off the table, clutching at her leg. She landed badly. Not terribly, but badly. Her mind raced. "No! No. I'm... an admirer!"

Eridan looked at her, suspicious. But then looked her over. She was suspicious, and an alien, but... surely other planets had heard his tales of conquest. And she was... attractive. She was no Empress, but who was, really? "An admirer? Really? That's your story?"

Jade beamed a totally sincere smile. "Yep!" It was true, after all. She did admire that gun he was holding improperly. Oh, no, he was holding it properly, and motioning at her own rifle.

"An' wwhat's that for? You are a thief. Giwe me my gun back!" Jade panicked and grabbed for it again, holding it out to him slowly.

"Hey, no, this ain't one o' mine."

"Nope!" He was perplexed, and that was a good opening if Jade ever saw one, flipping the rifle around and nailing his strong, royal, totally-made-out-of-glass jaw with the butt of her gun.

He stumbled back, leveling his gun before wincing. "Some admirer. If you're not a thief, then wwhat the fuck are you?"

"Someone who needs to think her plans through a little more, probably..." Jade frowned. Or at least someone who needs to get less distracted by shiny objects. "Maybe we can forget I slammed a gun into your face if I tell you someone wants you dead?"

"Wwell, that isn't newws. Do ya plan on tellin' me wwho?"

"If you plan on not killing me where I stand." This wasn't turning out as planned. But... Jade Harley didn't leave a job unfinished. And she also wasn't going to leave without that gun.


End file.
